I Believe My Own Lies
by Ffeona 'sarcasm-is-my-drug
Summary: Summary: set during 3x10 'Merry Little Christmas'; when Cameron goes to a detox-ing House’s apartment looking for a diagnosis she finds Chase is already there in a non-work related capacity. House/Chase slash.
1. Chapter 1

I Believed My Own Lies

**I Believed My Own Lies**

Main Pairing: Chase/House

Spoilers: Set during season three including references to Det. Tritter. Canon references to season one and two, and I had to move Chase and Cameron's relationship to an earlier period, like towards the end of Stacy's time in House MD. Rating will go up!

_Disclaimer: NO! I do not own House MD. WARNING: Part one replies heavily on the use of the transcript of episode 3x10 'A Merry Little Christmas' but the rest of the stories will be very AU and will concentrate on Chase and Chase and House's relationship. Just to make sure this is really clear, ANYTHING you recognise from 3x10 is not mine and I do not claim it._

Summary: set during 3x10; when Cameron goes to a detox-ing House's apartment looking for a diagnosis she finds Chase is already there in a non-work related capacity. House/Chase slash. Following this point is lots of ANGST. I mean a serious amount, from breaking hearts to S&M clubs to gay bashing and abusive relationships and lots more fun stuff. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT.

HMD-HMD-HMD

Cameron wasn't going to let Abigail die just because Cuddy was too stubborn to give House his pills and Wilson was to stubborn to admit that autoimmune made more sense than cancer. So she decided to go straight to the source: House. She knocked on his door, hoping that he was still in a state where he could answer.

"Unless you've got vicodin, go away." He croaked from within his apartment. Cameron would have laughed or smiled if it had been under any other circumstances. But House's own health as well as the life of the fifteen year old dwarf, and Wilson's betrayal, all weighed her down.

"House, it's me. I er-"

She was surprised, pleased, and shocked when he opened the door, even if it was only far enough to poke his head out in order to talk to her. She noticed that his eyes were bloodshot and his skin was sallow; it looked like he was dying, not detoxing. Immediately she felt a little guilty for not bringing even a single pill to relieve his pain. "Oh god. I don't have-"

"No pills, no eggnog." House joked feebly.

Cameron's eyes wondered and the sight of a bandage on his arm shocked her. Withdrawal and pain, yes. But why did he have a banage on his arm? The doctor and the woman in her both cried out to him. "What happened to your arm?" She asked.

House let the door swing open a bit further to expose the badly wrapped arm and admitted, "Cut myself."

Not sure if she was following the instincts of her inner woman or her inner doctor but Cameron used this to pushed the door open the rest of the way and brushed past House, who was in not state to stop her, before he let the door slide shut behind her.

Once inside House's messy apartment she directed him to sit on his sofa and grabbed medical supplies from the bathroom; scissors, tape, bandage, a solution to clean the wounds so it wouldn't get infected… Soon she was redressing the wound, using this excuse to monitor his health as she attempted to get a diagnosis. Abigail needed more help than House right now.

Cameron began, not subtly but right out with it, House respected people more for honesty and forthrightness. "Wilson was wrong about lymphoma. The kid's not losing any weight, no night sweats."

House asked, "Cuddy send you?" through a haze of pain.

"No. She doesn't trust me not to give you pills." Cameron told him, slightly bitterly. It was annoying to her to have to reiterate that she didn't love House and that she had a backbone every time she stuck up for him or agreed with him.

"She right?" Even House thought he could use her… past affections… to score drugs from her. She ignored the question, hoping that it just came from his craving vicodin and not him actually thinking so lowly of her.

"House! These cuts are straight in a row. You did this on purpose!"

He didn't even try to deny it. "Cutting releases endorphins, endorphins relieve pain. Can you get me some pills?" Drug-seeking behaviour.

"No." Cameron said strongly, trying not to be annoyed at him.

"Well then you can leave." House however was making no efforts to be polite or courteous. Which was almost a relief, he was like this on the pills, too.

"No," Cameron insisted again, finishing up the bandage and standing up with her arms across her chest. "Not until I get a diagnosis I can use. House, this girl is dying and Cuddy won't go with either me or Wilson."

In her passion and dedication and House's pain filled withdrawal, neither had noticed the sound of the door being opened or the presence of a third person standing there.

"He isn't going to give you a diagnosis – so leave." Chase said from his position, not pleased to walk in on House and Cameron together. He had thought it was safe to pop in to check on House's condition with Foreman busy, and Wilson and Cameron trying to out-prove each other's diagnosis. Of course he should have suspected that Cameron would come running to House.

"What… I… What?" Cameron stuttered, looking from Chase's stony face to House's un-surprised one.

"Back so soon?" House said hoarsely as he laid back into the couch.

"Thought I'd bring you some real food. Might help the withdrawal if you actually ate something other than pizza and Chinese takeaway." Chase said, motioning towards a bag by the door full of groceries. His eyes never left Cameron's face, the shock, curiosity, and disbelief raging across it. House moaned at the thought of all the healthy food that Chase would probably make him try to eat, and the effort it would take not to puke it all up ten seconds later.

The sound drew Chase's eyes to House where he saw the bandage and immediately rushed to his side to examine his arm, although instead of tearing off the bandage he asked them what had happened.

"He cut himself, to release endorphins to relief the pain." Cameron answered automatically, causing Chase to glower at her. He did not like her knowing more about House's condition than he did himself.

"You get any vicodin while you were on your little shopping trip?" House asked.

"Did you?" Cameron asked, making it sound like an accusation.

"No, but I did get you some metaclopamine." Chase said to House, trying his best to ignore Cameron in hopes that she'd get the message and leave.

"To stop me puking so I can eat whatever crap you cook up for me?" House said.

Chase smiled slightly. "Hamburgers that actually have meat in them with a side of salad is not crap. And when the metaclopamine wears off or stops being effective the food will give you something to throw up instead of ruining your digestive track and puking up any more of your stomach lining."

"Metaclopamine? You're giving him drugs?" Cameron said.

"They'd give him it in rehab anyway." Chase defended himself.

"Yeah, so why don't you encourage him to go there and get it?" She asked.

"Because he's in pain and he keeps puking every fifteen minutes!" Chase retaliated angrily.

"Since when do you care?" She bitched, something she was making a specialty of this year.

"Since forever! Since three years ago when I started sleeping with him!" Chase admitted accidentally, and then he saw reality crashing down on her, and she ran for the door forgetting all about Abigail. Chase would have stopped her except House grabbed his leg and used it to hold himself as he leaned over and found a bucket and began puking. When he had finished Chase helped him lie back, got him some pills and a glass of water cautioning him against dry swallowing. As House panted and rested on the sofa, Chase found his own position and began gently massaging House's leg as House stroked the nape of Chase's neck soothingly. Chase stayed quiet, afraid if he spoke he'd just end up saying something bitter and angry about Cameron.

Back at the hospital Cameron ran into Cuddy. "What did he say?"

"Nothing, I didn't get a chance to talk to him properly." Cameron said, aggravated beyond anything she had ever before experienced, even considering all the jack-ass stuff he'd put her and the others through, including their 'non dates' and his detoxing and his mean remarks. "Chase interrupted us!"

"Chase?" Cuddy asked, seeming confused. "I thought he was-"

"Wait, do you know about them?" Cameron asked, outraged and shocked that Cuddy would condone a relationship between Chase and House (if it could be called a relationship – a voice in the back of her head snipped). She certainly hadn't liked it when Cameron had been pursuing House a few years ago, and after everyone had found out that Cameron had slept with Chase she'd actively warmed Cameron that not only was it not a good idea, but that Cameron would get her heart broken… maybe prior knowledge about Chase and House was why she had been so tough on Cameron!

"Well… I… Yes. Okay? Yes I have known about Chase and House's involvement since it started, which I believe is shortly before you joined us. And for legal reasons, e.g. the possibility of Chase suing us for sexual harassment, I have kept an eye on them making sure that House treats him no differently than you or Foreman and that their privet life is kept at home. It helps having glass doors and patients running around the hospital."

"So, you approve?" She asked, gob-smacked.

"It's House and Chase's decisions. Yes, I had my doubts but three years of this and Chase still hasn't given up? He must be in love, and I assume House has some sort of feelings for Chase or he wouldn't have kept him around so long. They don't need my approval Cameron, and I doubt they'll be looking for yours either."

Twenty minutes later Cuddy and the others were still worrying over Abigail and how much she wasn't improving when Chase called Wilson up.

"Chase says that House says it's Still's Disease." Wilson told them all. Foreman frowned, confused at why Chase would be with House, but he didn't let it fester instead he pointed out that it didn't explain the bleeding that Abigail had just been through.

"Hello, House? Yes, that's right. Nothing showed upon the CT scan and we've already ruled out a bleeding disorder, steroids helped for a while but... Lymphoma is off the table but we could test her bone marrow for leukaemia… Steroids caused the bleeding so it's not autoimmune then it must be cancer! What do you mean why can't it be both… And stop calling her that! Call a dwarf a dwarf... It's insulting, that's why. It's not insulting to call a dwarf a dwarf is she is a dwarf… what? That's crazy, the problem is no where near her leg why would we x-ray it? Oh… okay. It's possible but rare… yes okay Doctor-Know-it-all go back to your boyfriend I'll go cure your patient. And no, I'm not sending you any vicodin. Goodbye!" He shut off his cell phone and turned to the others. "He says to x-ray her leg and if she doesn't have any skeletal dwarfism then treat her for Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis."

"Cancer and an autoimmune disease?" Cuddy questioned.

"It makes sense. She responded to the steroids until the cancer kicked in. And the missing neurobiological symptom is her height." Foreman said, sounding surprised.

"Okay, let's go get an x-ray of her leg and then, if he's right we can start treatment." Cuddy said and the group moved off to see Abigail, Cameron lagged behind intent on cornering Wilson, who pointed out, "of course he is right, he's always right! Even detoxing he can still out-diagnose us, how depressing is that!"

With Cuddy and Foreman gone Cameron felt comfortable enough to address the real reason for her being in Wilson's office. "So you know about House and Chase to? Does everybody but me know?"

Wilson looked surprised at her question. "No not everybody knows… Me, Cuddy, House and Chase obviously, and the janitor who wears his trousers backwards. I think that's everybody who knows, and now you. And Foreman if he was paying attention just a minute ago. How do you feel about this?"

"Shocked. And pissed. Why, how do you feel about it?" Cameron asked, already over being mad at Wilson for 'betraying' House to Tritter.

"Honestly? I've had three years to get over it and I still feel shocked, weirded out, confused, cautious, and a little pissed. But he is my best friend so I'm not about to admit that to his face. And since he has started sleeping with Chase, payment to hookers stop showing upon my credit card. At least, less often." Wilson admitted.

"Huh." Cameron didn't know what to say to that.

"Look, do you want to know the reason I went to Tritter? It's because drug addicts hurt the people who love them. But until that day, Chase, the person who's probably closest to House at least physically, has been pretty unaffected by House's addiction. But when I found out that House had punched Chase, for no reason? Then I had to do something. So I called Tritter and sold my soul to the devil, if you like, and tried to help him out. If he'd just take the deal… but he won't and I don't think Chase believes in himself enough to try and convince House to take the deal. I think since House punched Chase – and you just know he never apologised – Chase doesn't think House cares enough about him for him to have any influence so he's kind of… given up. And now House will end up in prison, and I will feel responsible for that, so will Cuddy and Chase. But House won't. He'll blame Tritter and he'll blame us, but he'll never realise it's partially his fault."

Cameron left, all that weighing heavily on her mind.

In the end Chase was able to convince House, by whatever means, to take the deal and House booked himself into the upstairs rehab centre, avoiding jail time and a nasty trail.

X0x0x0x0x0x0x000x0x0x0x000x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x00x0x0X

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment.

I really love reading people's comments, it makes me smile and be happy and feel motivated to write more. And this will be a series if people comment and say they like it. It will concentrate on House/Chase from Chase's POV and all the things I'm gonna put them through. So please COMMENT.

Thank you for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

I Believe My Own Lies p2

(apologies for any mistakes I was really tired when I wrote this! But I had to write it and post it before I could sleep or I would never have gotten to sleep! I HOPE YO ENJOY THIS CHAPTER AND **REMEMBER TO REVIEW**!)

**I Believe My Own Lies **

**Chapter Two**

For a while Chase and House lived in their own little rehab-facilitated bubble. Cameron was even more moody and bitchy but kept it from both House and Chase because she didn't want them to figure out how she felt about their relationship, Foreman was as professional and cold as he had been before Wilson had accidentally outed both his best friend and Chase. Wilson was… he visited House who was still bitter over the 'betrayal' but he soon got angry (on Chase's behalf mostly) and visited less. Cuddy visited once.

Chase barely left the rehabilitation centre, except when he was chucked out because of Group or when he literally had to go and help with a case. House never got bored of Chase's company although when his detoxing got too rough he would feel like Chase's care was suffocating. He would yell obscenities and claw at Chase's back while Chase held the sobbing wrecked man.

Soon, sooner than Cuddy and the rehab employees would have liked, House was discharged and back on the pills. This was when the real problems started.

Their first case as a team again was Stevie Lipa, a sixteen year old who's parents' lifestyle was getting in the way of treating Stevie and upsetting the girlfriend deeply. Not more than three hours after they began the case Cameron told House she wanted a transfer. She didn't know if it would be temporary or permanent but she was demanding an immediate transfer. House being House refused, which set Cameron off to Cuddy who refused because the only reason Cameron had was that the knowledge of Chase and House's relationship was distracting her and made her uncomfortable. So of course Cuddy found her way to House to tell him this, or rather tell him off for this, and warn him that he'd be under close scrutiny. Consequently House became distant towards Chase who asked Wilson about it who went to House and Cameron separately. A circle of suspicions and unrequited love. But Chase was confident he could – and would – survive this. As long as he had House by his side, nothing could get to him.

Unfortunately House was a bad bet.

It was Cameron, having just come fro a long discussion with Wilson about excepting House and Chase for who they were and had always been, who broke down the first wall; Chase's outer defences.

She was curious and worried about Chase. Having observed them in an almost creepy way these past few weeks Cameron had noticed that Chase cared deeper for House than House did for Chase. Either that or House was just REALLY good at hiding it. And he hadn't even attempted to hide his attempts to get back Stacy. An event which had happened during the course of Chase and House relationship. House had CHEETED on Chase with his EX and Chase was STILL with him? Cameron felt a sudden strong need to protect her cub (Chase) from the dangerous, angry, bitter lion (House).

She confronted the blond doctor while they were both at work getting coffee. He had politely offered her one and she had taken advantage of the moment.

"Where is House?" Cameron asked, well aware of Foreman's whereabouts.

Chase shrugged and drank his drink, but she let the silence fester and he eventually fested up. "He's with a patient. An 'interesting' patient. The musical savant. He's obsessing over the man's ability to play a piano."

Cameron nodded. This basically meant she could have Chase all alone for hours or minutes. So she had to get down to 'business'. "Do you love him?" She asked, and could have laughed at Chase choking on his hot coffee but instead she waited for his coughing fit to subside and for him to answer the question.

"Why?" Chase challenged her. "You aren't still interested in him, are you? Because you aren't his type."

"That's not what he thought not so long ago." Cameron countered easily, watching the flush spread over his cheeks.

"The date? The one that you bribed him into, or the monster trusk thing that he was determined not to go to alone? He only asked you because Wilson was busy and I hate monster trucks." Chase bit back.

Cameron shook her head, trying to keep calm. She was doing this for Chase's sake. She needed to make sure he was ok, it was the only way she would ever be ok with this. "No. The one I said no to. The one he asked me out on shortly after his leg was fixed. Did you even know about that?" She added when he averted his gaze. Eventually he shook his head, and Cameron's heart sank. It was worse than she'd ever imagined. Her anger with House grew as she reached out to clasp Chase's hand.

"Do you love him?" She asked gently, quietly.

"Yes." Chase admitted, sounding very young.

"Why do you let him treat you like this? He chased after Stacy in such an obvious way, allowed me to chase after him, and he's always flirting with Cuddy and he treats you horribly. It's wrong Chase."

"I know… but… he's different… when we're alone together and he… he acts like he gives a crap." Chase stumbled over his words, attempting to articulate his relationship with House.

"Aw… how touching!" House drawled from the door. He hadn't heard what they were talking about but the sight of their hands clasped together was enough to bring out the bitch in him.

Immediately Chase jumped up and withdrew his hand from Cameron's and went to stand well away from her.

"Any developments on the case?" he asked casually.

House nodded and proceeded to fill them in on what he had Foreman doing at the moment. He sent Chase off with a few harsh words and told Cameron to go talk to the patient's father. Chase left quickly but Cameron followed the limping Doctor into his office and closed the door.

"God, how do you do it?" Cameron asked.

House looked blankly at her. "I'm talking about how you convinced him that it's okay that you treats him like crap. I mean, a three year relationship and you honestly don't seem to give a damn about him one way or the other. Are you just that good an actor, or just that much of a bastard?" Cameron finished, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It's really none of your business." House told her.

"That's where you are wrong. Chase is my college and a good friend. He actually thinks you give a damn but you don't do you?" she 'realised', looking into House's cold blue eyes, his pupils slightly dilated from the vicodin.

"No, I don't. So get out and go do your job."

Shaking her head in disgust she left, but went to Chase not to go do her job, which was technically House's job anyway.

"Chase I know you don't want to hear this but I'm your friend and I need you to know this because I think you are trying to believe in something that isn't there. House doesn't care about you. He's just using you for sex or power-play or whatever. Look I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear this from but you need to see the truth before it's too late. He punched you the other day, for no other reason than you were trying to tell him he was wrong, you were trying to save a life. He didn't even bother telling you your dad was dying when he knew for months before hand. He demeans you in public, berates you in privet, he cheats and he lies and he uses your feelings for him against you!"

Chase hadn't once tried to interrupt her during her little tirade. He had taken it 'like a man' and now he was failing as he felt anger swell up inside him and wetness on his cheeks. Brushing away the tears he bit back at Cameron. "Damn it Cameron! I know all of this. I've lived it for over three years now. And fuck it, I love him and I just wanted to believe my own lies, wanted to believe that he gave a crap about me and the fact that I loved him actually mean something to him. But you're right, better to be completely disillusioned and alone that to lie to yourself and be happy."

XXX000000000XXX

That night Chase was over at House's still not fully recovered from his encounter with Cameron. But he knew it wasn't House's fault that he had managed to lie to himself all these years so he was determined not to take it out on House. One home cooked meal (courtesy of Chase) and three orgasms later they lay in bed, relaxed and contented. And Chase knew that even though the best he could hope for in response would be silence and a kiss, he said it anyway. "I love you." He muttered it into House's collar bone, hoping that House would hear it but verbally ignore it. Truthfully it was probably more important for Chase to say it out loud than for house to hear it. But of course as all things with House, something unexpected came up.

"I know." House said in response to Chase's declaration. And it would have been fine left like that. Only this was House we are talking about. "Or at least that's what you tell yourself to justify sleeping with me in order to keep yourself from being fired. After all I've had plenty of opportunity. Vogler… the screw up with that patient when your dad died… and other things too trivial for me to remember. The point is, your love is mostly likely fabricated to help you sleep better at night." House informed his young lover callously.

"That's not true!" Chase drew back in shock. He wished now he could take the words back, and soon he'd be wishing he could take the last three years back. "_**I love you**_."

House shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. Either way I don't need you to."

"Love isn't about need, House, it's about want and desire and something you can't explain…"

"Fine then. I don't want your love." House amended the statement, cutting into Chase's bruised heart like an autopsy scalpel making a 'y' incision in a corpse. Except Chase's heart was still beating, still bleeding.

"Do you know my parent's names?" Chase asked suddenly, perched on the edge of House's rumpled bed as he pulled on his clothes.

"Your father's name is Rowan Chase." House said. "I even met him."

"And my mother? Do you know her name?" Chase persisted, fully dressed now. This didn't look good from House's point of view.

"Why, did you forget?" when Chase just stood there House sighed and continued, "I don't know her name. Is there a point to all –"

"Your mother's name is Blythe House your father is John House. Your father was a marine and consequently you spent most of your time growing up on military bases including in Egypt. You have an aunt called Sarah who your family visit every Christmas, all except you. You can't lie to your mother and you hate your father. He used to discipline you harshly, ice baths and sleeping outside. Despite this you never let him break your spirit. You hate the way he acts about your leg but you love your mother very much. You don't even know my mother's name nut I know way more about you and your background than you ever realised. Cameron was right, you really don't give a crap and I was deluding myself thinking otherwise."

"You're right. So get out." House said, frozen.

With one last final look Chase stormed out of the apartment slamming the door loudly behind him. House reached for his vicodin and popped three pills before lying back down in a futile attempt to sleep.

Futile because not two hour later Wilson was banging on his door and using the key to enter.

"What the hell, House!" Wilson declared angrily ignoring his friend's partial nudity in order to rant.

"I take it the Wombat has gone running to mommy." House said, wincing when Wilson turned on the lights.

"You treat him like crap for years and even when he sticks by you, you tell him to get lost. Like you got bored of him the way a child loses interest in a toy after a while. He's not a toy, House! He has feelings. You can't treat him like that!"

"I can and I have." House declared, like the child Wilson had just accused him of being.

"Why?" Wilson asked, tired and drained from looking after a distraught Chase for the past hour and a half.

"He said he loved me." House 'explained'.

"And? That's a good thing. Most people in a relationship-"

"It wasn't a relationship!" House said, sounding like he'd said it a million times before. "We were not in a relationship and I don't love him."

"So? Lie to him!" Wilson yelled back. "It's not like you have any ethical morals to struggle with on that issue."

House shook his head. "He deserves better."

Wilson registered the oddly selfless comment but was too angry to analyse it. "Yes he does. He deserves you to actually love him, but since you don't a lie would have been a kindness. You could have at least said that you cared about him. In fact pretty much anything other than what you did would have been better. And you do know his mom's name!" Wilson finished.

"I know I do, but he doesn't." House finished cryptically.

Wilson was exhausted. He shook his head at House and made his way back to his own apartment. By the time he got there Chase had left. There was a note on the counter that read;

_Thanks for all your help, James, but I needed to escape. I'll see you in a few days._

_Thank you,_

_Robert Chase, x_

XXXXX0000000XXXXX

Thanks to the following people for reviewing:

TGOI, Jen, Streifenhoernchen, and L'insomnie des etoiles!

To everyone else PLEASE REVIEW!


End file.
